i had to put the handbrake on today.
rather than "5 minutes to midnight", it was "2 minutes past midnight".
as much as i hate to not deliver what i’ve promised, i do feel relieved now.

memo to self: remember this for next time.

quite fitting, at the moment:

try to remind myself that i was happy here
before i knew that i could get on a plane and fly away
from the road where the cars never stop going through the night
to a life where i can watch the sunset
i don’t have time
i don’t have time

...i’m not even gone yet.

spür ein zittern, spür es seit tagen.
wollte aufstehn, komm nicht aus dem bett.
und ich frage mich wieso seit jahren
es viel zu viele stunden gab, in denen nichts passiert ist.

dominik plangger - spür ein zittern (album: gestern noch)

(danke an barbara für den musiktipp)

i ran into tom this afternoon.
i either hadn’t seen him in more than a week, or it was too short for me to remember.

there was a 30-second-overlap in spacetime: he had to catch his bus, i just got off mine and was walking home. we had a short "conversation" while walking in opposite directions, which lasted until we were so distant that talking loudly became shouting.

it seems sad, considering that we’re brothers and live nextdoor...

today, after a 10-hour-workday, i felt bad for not preparing enough stuff to work on for the busride home.
just stared into space like everybody else did.
30 minutes lost forever.

the post title refers to work-related advice from a close friend:

"you don’t need to jump from tree to tree like a wild monkey, collecting every coconut you can find, fearing you could miss out on something otherwise...
you might end up having too many to bear, losing all of them and having to pick them up yet again. in short: you need to chill!"

i have to say: i do feel related to that monkey.

i think that far too often, i find myself taking my family for granted... even though i keep reminding myself that it’s very much not, and indeed something special.

so, in that spirit: i have the absolute greatest family i could wish for!

i’ll be more than 8.300 days old next week, and i’ve spent at least one 8th of the conscious-time therein babbling, dribbling and scuttling.
also, i’ve spent an estimated 1.5 years of my life eating, and more than 6 years sleeping.

i don’t regret the babbling, though. ;-)