it’s weird that the time right before an exam is also the time where i’m most relaxed.
because apparently that’s the phase where i put some effort in a little more sleep (in the 30-minute-learning-breaks) and meditation-like mini-breaks.

one of the most effective 3-minute escapes: “soon love soon” by vienna teng.
last september i’ve set a (psychological) trigger on that song. now, everytime i hear it, i feel like i’m lying under that great palm in spain again…

 
ok, enough time lost – i’m going back to the final pages…

 
[lyrics quote of the moment]
take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin’ ship,
my senses have been stripped, my hands can’t feel to grip,
my toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
to be wanderin’.
i’m ready to go anywhere, i’m ready for to fade
into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
i promise to go under it.

hey! mr. tambourine man, play a song for me,
i’m not sleepy and there is no place i’m going to.
hey! mr. tambourine man, play a song for me,
in the jingle jungle morning i’ll come followin’ you.
bob dylan – mr. tambourine man

just found this at mr. syndromes’ blog:

[...] And at this point in my life, any time and energy I place into relationships that don’t reciprocate those back to me in some form, is time and energy i’m not spending on my other friends, or more importantly myself. [...] I’m absolutely not trying to cross people off the list who wish to be on it, just diverting energy towards those who reciprocate my energy invested in them.

word.
i have nothing to add.

it’s funny how much can change within a year, if you just decide to change.
on march 23rd 2004 – one year (and a week) ago – i wrote a little memo to myself, the content being something like this:

i want to be more spontaneous. i want to see the world. i need to get rid of some obligations.

with these simple three lines branded/carved deeply into my (sub-)consciousness, my life began to alter.
over time, i shed some parts of my life that i wasn’t 100% sure i wanted to continue, and i rearranged my priorities. with this landmark decision finally made, everything seemed so easy – and from what i remember, it was.
soon, some friends and i made a trip to munich, just because.
since then, i have been to south tyrol/italy, hamburg/germany, berlin/germany, denia/spain, budapest/hungary and south tyrol/italy again (not mentioning the trips&excursions within tyrol).

i guess what i’m trying to say, is, that i’ve made a 90° turnaround, and i’m glad i did.
it may not seem that thrilling, but from what i used to do before (especially before fall 2003), it’s a radical change.
you can only win, except if you die from a traffic accident ;-).

i’ve written the last two *extensively long* posts while lying in my bed, with my notebook on the belly.
i did it this way, because it was very relaxing, AND i’m so tired i couldn’t have done it sitting.

on the other hand, there’s so much i want to do/finish only within the next 10 minutes, i just can’t go to sleep yet.

my eyes are nearly closing unwillingly, but i’m too busy to give them a rest.
and there it is already, the mighty go-to-bed-headache.
maybe this is getting self-destructive?
 

[lyrics quote of the moment]
i go to the clyde for to mourn and weep
for satisfied i never can be
i write her letters, just a few short lines
and suffer death a thousand times
gaelic storm – black is the colour (link)

it’s interesting how perspectives can change over time.

for a long time i was feeling awkward for our (=the tyrolean) traditions. they just seemed ridiculous, and really uncivilized. by the time, especially when i got to make more and more international contacts, somehow my cultural proudness (folklore-wise) grew – up to the current point.

i realized that – although some of them are total bull****, senseless and not worth even thinking about for a second – some others are really nice ancient customs that should absolutely be kept alive!
i’ve gotten very proud of (many of) tyrol’s traditions and or our folklore music (if practiced correctly) in the past few years, because they’re something our great-grandparents already adhered enthusedly. and because they’re unique to our region and landscape.

please keep in mind here, that i’m still fighting strongly for “ ‘it’s always been that way’ is NOT an argument FOR ANYTHING!”
it’s more like i’m re-discovering the sense and thought behind some of them.

i always loved irish folklore (check out altan and gaelic storm), and traditional african choir music (go look for lebo m [you've got to listen to "the lion sleeps tonight"!] and miriam makeba) – but now i really appreciate the huge variety of tyrolean folk-music…

in other news, i’ve started to create my own “insider-traditions” or “family-traditions”.

for example, i decided to show up at my brother and his girlfriend’s birthday parties ALWAYS in a tux, no matter the theme, company or climate. (the first time, i was asked “so, where are you going afterwards?” in a very serious way :smile:)

one long-time tradition that i’m likely to break this year is “not celebrating my birthday”. i generally don’t feel very social in winter, so these last years i either just didn’t celebrate or had a good excuse (exams, …) to not celebrate. i don’t think i missed out on something.
but 2005 is different. my concept of life, friends, … has changed. because if you look closely, it’s just a good occasion to meet up with people you like.
i don’t feel like i have to compensate for those people who just look for an opportunity to get really drunk anymore. not sure i felt so at all, previously.

so that’s two completely different posts in “music and contemplative”. not bad!

god, i love that state when i’m waiting for the exam papers (or i’m waiting for 35 minutes to be let into the auditorium, must hope to get a seat at all, and then i’m waiting for the exam papers, like today) and my mind keeps bubbling along with all the stuff i’ve learned.

to begin documenting today’s events chronologically: i was swamped with good feelings (as it happens a lot, lately) when i entered the campus area – even though there was only one person around. and a bicycle ;-) (see photos way down)
so, after i figured i was in the wrong building, [more...]