if anybody asks me “how are you doing” these days, my answer will always be the same:

cold.

of course, “i’m doing cold” doesn’t make sense in the first moment of processing – it doesn’t work in german either. it’s just that for me, the word “cold” implies “very uncomfortable”, “not leaving rooms voluntarily” and “not very communicative”. it’s clear i’m a summer guy, and with the first snow this winter, i’m feeling *pretty* uncomfortable.
just can’t see anything good in it. :sad:

so basically, my thoughts concentrate on weather in australia this time of year (and a few other things that i’m not gonna write about now)…

oh, by the way: right now, i’m sitting in my room with my winter-coat. not that it’s cold in here, but it’s warmer with the coat… :neutral:

[lyrics quote of the moment]
too far is next spring and her jubilant shout
so angels, inside
is the only way out
vienna teng – drought (link)

yesterday i had a look at my biorhythm – with a very spurring result:

for those who don’t know: there are three lines, one for your physical, emotional and intellectual status.
and apparently i’m in THE LOW OF MY LIFE right now.
why? because the next point in my life where all the lines will be at their negative maximum will be in about …let’s see… 21252 days.
^{that’s because the cycles have lengths of 23, 28 and 33 days, and those numbers’ lcm is 21252.}
for those who can’t deal with large uncommon numbers: that’s 58 years, 2 months and about 7 days (depending on the number of leap years)…

but actually, the low point is not the worst one. it’s said to be the point of intersection of the lines and the x-axis* – so i should already be out of the woods.
*^{(because there you’re used to having energy but suddenly don’t have any)}
but energy is lacking the most these days, and since i can’t recuperate and am still running on a sleep-shortfall, i’m feeling pretty low.
that’s why i didn’t really feel social lately – just in case you wonder.

i made an offline journal note on my brother’s handheld while we were in spain – here it is:

28/09/04 @ 10:55
something that recently came to my mind again:
how come people always complain …a lot and never try to change anything?
i think this is like the fourth time i’m writing about it. and the blog is just 3 months old! i think it’s because i tap into that attitude very often myself.

so there’s one more point on my ‘to-do-in-the-near-future’- (respectively: ‘keep-on-doing’ -) list:
stop being like an adult (complaining AND accepting) and start doing something about the things you don’t like!i have always tried to do so, but recently there have been some symptoms of ‘grown-up-dness’ showing up…

and if i can’t fight things when i should, i’m going to hang in and endure oppression – just until i’m able to fight back from the inside.
sounds a little rough now, but it’s more like a basic strategic concept.
like ‘do something about it!’

so my basic plan for now is to save up everything and enjoy afterwards. things are a lot easier if you know what you’re doing them for – and i do know that now.
also, i will continue to use my time for what i want to, not what others want. that preserves a little bit of my precious illusion of “free will”.

today was about the third sunshiny day this summer, so i just lay in the sun the whole afternoon. neat!
although some physics wouldn’t have done bad (looking forward to friday ;-) ).

since my grad-trip to kos was exactly one year ago, i decided to light a candle in the lantern that i bought in kos.
what a great time that was!
[view photo]

my dad held another concert today, so i went to listen and take some pictures.
[view photos]

i feel much more balanced now – and in general after listening to classical music (which btw is not very often, lately).
but as i may have stated before – there’s some kind of summer-feeling in me now, anyway. finally.
i’ve noted one big helper for motivation&co: water. i’ve finally started to drink more than just 1 litre again – and i’m totally feeling different!
try it!

today i also stumbled across that video i made in the us.
there were four guys standing in front of the very first starbucks coffee-house, singing gospels…
they really had the rhythm!
“..even if i’m feelin’ bad, i’m gonna let it shine…” is gonna be a line i’ll remember!